The break up tactics (Emotional blackmail)

What happens when every time there is an argument and you are threatened with break up? What if only you tell yourself that your partner is right, and that you are the problem? How will you ever survive without them? What will I do about my children? What do you do when you cant breath and your heart races after they say it is over? You see your world shatter in a million pieces in front of you only because you needed help. Only because you are tired and feel that they don’t love you. Only because you want them to stop cheating and hurting you. Only because you want them to stop shouting at you and physically hurting you. If only I had not said anything, perhaps this would never have happened. If only I was stronger and smarter, he would see me. He would respect me and I would be desired. However, now I am laying on this bed, with tears in my eyes, feeling so lonely and ashamed. I feel absolutely exhausted and my body is aching. Sometimes I feel that this world would be a better place without me. I cant get anything right and you drift into a sleep, only to have waken up and experience this again and again. How many times in your life are you going to live this over and over again or how many times will you have the chance to do this again before it is too late?

If right now you are reading this and you can relate, please read my story below.

****THIS IS NOT LOVE AND NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT ****

My Story.

After many times when we would argue, it would always end up with my ex partner threatening that the relationship is over since I could not smarten up or act like a normal human being, he would say.  One day because I just could not understand and I was frightened that it would actually happen, I have searched for outside help since I felt that there must be something wrong with me.  After numerous months with the therapist, it came to the conclusion that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, however with my  ex partner and the way he treated me. After another argument, he would said that seeking outside help cannot be trusted since they will mess with my head and break the family up. That night he told me again that it’s over. Again that hit me like a brick,  yet I expected it.  His answer is that I was doing this to myself and that it is my fault that it had come to this. I’ve cried for hours, because I was torturing myself with not knowing for sure if it is me or him or was it the abuse, was it even abuse?  I mean I am not perfect, yet all I wanted is to be loved and respected. To have a normal life and a family. So what am I doing wrong? This is my big eye opener that day when I would catch him starring at me, watching me cry. Having no money and no place to go, after a long day searching for apartments to rent,  nothing worked out. When I returned home, I cried and cried, I honestly felt like giving up. What will I do with my daughter now, I asked myself? Only to have him watch me as if it was pleasing him in some disgusting way to see me suffer. This is the shock when he actually turned to me and said that he did not really mean it and that he does not want me to move out. In that moment I knew, He will do this over and over again. I was filled with anger since he did this to watch me suffer. I knew that moment that it is a big “NO,”there is something really wrong with this. He did not love me. It is control to get me to do what he wants. 

The reality of the matter is that abusers will use tactics like break up for example to get you to do what they want.

This is control and it is wrong!

I never thought in twenty years that this was abusive. It is emotional blackmail. I always played on the fact that it was me and that I had to change to please him, that somehow I had to change for our family. It was a big eye opener for me.

If you are experiencing this right now, walk away! If you are doubting yourself, do not! You already know deep down that this is not healthy. You deserve to be treated with love and happiness.

Namaste 🙏

Knowing the red flags with Intuition

If you have ever found yourself in a situation where something inside you speaks to you and you have this instant knowing that it is not right or it actually tells you what you need to do, LISTEN. This is your intuition warning you. It is a voice so far beyond our control that is actually guiding you to the answers you need. There is a difference between your mind and your intuition. Your mind often will override your intuition with excuses. Yet if you are still and truly listen, you will see the warning signs especially clear in front of you. The difference between your mind and intuition is that there are no excuses or doubts, it just is.

Many times in my life growing up, I have learned to quiet my intuition to a point where I could not tell anymore what it actually was. I was so confused and doubtful, I had no idea. I have gotten to the point of constantly making excuses and not listening to it, that it has gotten so quiet that only my mind would be speaking. When I would hear someone say to me what is your intuition saying, I would answer by honestly saying that I don’t know. I was so insecure at the time where I thought that perhaps I was not privileged with this. However everyone has intuition and you can tune into as fast as you can tune out. This is where I have learned my lesson. I was out of tune until one day, it was so clear and loud, I just nodded and said, “I know.” Things have gotten really bad in the time of my relationship where it was becoming violent and aggressive. I was not happy and everyday was a matter of surviving instead of living. It had become really bad that one day, where during the fight, this voice out of nowhere said, “you know what you have to do Kristina.” I knew instantly that I had to leave. No more excuses, it was an instant knowing and I did. It was the best decision I’ve made.

Whenever you have this feeling or a voice that is speaking to you, don’t ignore it! If you are with someone where inside you it does not feel right, listen! Your intuition is your map in life. You can never go wrong. If I had listen to my voice way earlier, I would have seen the red flags. Your inner voice will speak to you in any situations in life. If it is for a new relationship, or a new home, work, friends or any direction in your life, listen.

Tuning in to my intuition has created miracles on several occasions. I cant believe how powerful it truly is. For so many years I have silenced this voice only to have learned that it is exactly what I need in my life for direction and purpose.

Many blessings

Namaste 🙏

Healthy Relationships

There is nothing more amazing knowing that you are with someone who absolutely gets you inside and out. There is nothing that is complicated or forced, it is natural. That feeling of freedom is something that you cant explain, it just is. You know when you are with the right person, when everything you seek valuable and true, they do as well. All the things that seem crazy or unacceptable with other relationships, they absolutely love about you. Being with someone when you are not at your hundred percent, yet they look at you with admiration and help you along. When you fall, they are right there to pick you up instead of making it worse by getting angry is a beautiful relationship to have. Being faithful is the only option as there is no interest apart from you. The amount of attraction and love that you will feel for another is beautiful. No matter the obstacles in life, you will find time to communicate and heal the issues together. The best part in those relationships is that they are your best friend truly.

How do you know that they are THE ONE? You don’t think you know, you just know. There is a difference with that. Because your mind may want to convince you they are yet deep inside you don’t feel it. Where just knowing that they are, is coming from a soul level of, “knowing.”

Arguments: Every relationship will have arguments and that is normal. We are in a human body operating with our egos where we are going to make mistakes and not see eye to eye on things, however the way you fight says a lot about the relationship. At times it can be heated and you will find yourself crying and frustrated, however if in the end you sit down with one another and truly listen or apologize if there was a wrong doing, there is your answer. There is no violence, threatening or convincing you to change, however just listening and sometimes just acknowledging is what is needed in order to grow in a relationship verses trying to change or control to see their side of the coin. Coming out of an argument feeling good and in love is where it is right.

Therefore be with someone that is the reflection of you. If you are in a relationship that is making you miserable, perhaps it is time to let go. It is not worth wasting your time on a relationship that is not right for you. You will only be left heartbroken.

Namaste 🙏

The Poetry of Krissy Wright

How to stop the cycle of abuse

This poem is about finding strength after leaving an abusive relationship. That no one can ever take away your light and that they can not break you. However it will only make you stronger. Like a tree that withholds every season and is still standing, so are the victims that come out of abusive relationships stronger and wiser.

The Art of the Tree

I will rise and grow

learn from any hardship

that has taken my glow

each year I will be stronger

with every storm

I will shine brighter

although a branch is broken

the way to my heart

is only longer

the roots are connecting

so far down the ground

nothing will break me

for I am still standing

I will survive any storm

all four seasons

only to be reborn

into beautiful colors

no matter the torture

only now I have flowers

therefore a leaf away

I will only prosper

a love that will not betray

Namaste 🙏

Toxic Parents

When as a child you grow up in a home where there is constant fighting, neglect, rejection or a constant walking on eggshells, it is toxic. As children grow, they learn our ways of adapting in the world. They are so fragile, yet they absorb so quickly what is taught. Children thrive with love and attention and when that is taken away with constant yelling, belittling, abusing with words or physically, neglect, all they learn is that they are not good enough and that they are not worthy of your love. It plays a massive impact in children’s self-esteem and in their future relationships. It also goes for children that are witnessing abuse within the home. When there are fights in front of the children or children are involved in parents arguments, it also creates hardship within themselves and most of the time they will feel guilt. They will grow up feeling guilty as if it is somewhat their fault for your fights, this is a dangerous a way of thinking for a child. They will carry the anxiety and fear into adulthood and develop some from of mental struggle in their lives.No child should ever have to feel like that. As parents we have the responsibility to ensure that they are raised with love, care and nurture. A home should be felt as a place of safety and love. Violence and fear will only hurt their self confidence and trust.

As a child, I was never good enough. In fact I was reminded on how stupid I was. I had to act a certain way to be liked by others, otherwise they were ashamed of me. I was never capable in their eyes and when my parents would fight, I would get scared and go in this shelter position as if I was being under attack. I would feel that everything was my fault and if I was not there, my father would leave my mother alone. It has become a ritual for them to fight and sometimes drag me into it so that I would have to take sides. I could feel myself shaking to the point I thought I was going to faint. I felt so much pressure where I just wanted to run. it got to the point where I hated coming home from school. I would take myself hours away, praying that my father would not be home. My mother seemed a little less angrier and it was more fun for me to be with her, yet she changed completely when my father was around. Everyone was walking on eggshells. It was horrible. The amount of anxiety and guilt I experienced, I’ve carried all the way into adulthood.

Signs you’re surrounded by toxic parents:

You are emotionally affected by their drama

You dread (or fear) being around them

Your are exhausted or you feel angry while you are with them or after your interaction

You feel bad or ashamed about yourself

You are stuck in a cycle of trying to rescue, fix or care for them

Toxic parents have a way to make a child feel stupid and worthless. Everything you do is not a good enough. Your feelings don’t count since it is all about them. There is always something negative about you. They will manipulate you, shape you and pull you to do what they want. Your memories of your parents or their presence will reflect on some type of negative energy or trigger painful emotions.

“So many broken children living in grown bodies mimicking adult lives.”

It is never to late to seek help if you have experienced living with toxic parents and remember that it is not your fault. Children don’t owe anything to the parents, however it is the parents that owe everything to their children.

Namaste 🙏

Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships happen when there is one partner who has low self-esteem where it permits the other to have power over you. When you are insecure, you become a perfect target for those individuals who seek power. It does not happen right away, however with time as it goes on, they will learn how to take advantage of you. Therefore it is so important to recognize the signs early on and how to protect yourself from those abusive individuals.

Signs of abuse

When someone is constantly belittling you to the point where you feel you cant get anything right.

When they control you on how you look, the clothes you ware and the friends you see

When they isolate you from family and control your every move.

When they constantly threaten to break up with you.

When they verbally attack you and make you feel worthless.

When they physically hurt you in any way.

When they scream at you as a power over to frighten you

When they are always right and never apologize or they apologize to the extend of no meaning.

When they humiliate you

When you are in a relationship that is abusive, it is time to make a change. You can not change your partner or make them see the abusive patterns. If anything, they will turn it against you and say that you are abusive. Remember, they are wanting to see a reaction and turn it against you to say that you are the abuser. It is so important to understand that it is very normal for any human being to react when they hurt you or when you feel threatened. You may even lash out with tears, bad words or you will find yourself yelling to react to your defense, this is NOT ABUSIVE. The abuse lies when they target the area you are most sensitive or use what you have confided in them against you.

Find your ground and confidence. Don’t let them dictate you into something that you are not. Believe in yourself and value yourself. Life is too short to be spending it with partners who do not appreciate you!

Namaste 🙏

Relationships with Narcissists

Relationships with narcissists are quite not noticeable at the beginning since they are perfect manipulators and really good in getting you to see their way of view. That is the point unfortunately. It is all about what they see, feel and believe and you better make sure that you see it as well or…..

This is the part where if you don’t have confidence in yourself where they will manipulate you into believing that your views are not right. In fact, they will give you a good reason why it is so. This is where they will use your insecurities or self doubts against you which is a really dangerous form of emotional abuse. They know better since they might have a better education, or they are smarter or they may even believe that they are superior over you that will allow them to treat you this way. In reality, they want you to be the perfect reflection of themselves. This is where they strip you off your identity and create their perfect little puppet. You become them, however it is virtually impossible and this is where the abuse comes in. They will do everything in their power for you to be their best version and the only way to do that is to make you believe and see their point of view in life. They will do this with power over and control you to be like them.

The narcissist don’t have empathy, because why in the world would they have empathy for someone that they are shaping into their perfect reality. There is no empathy. They cant have empathy. This is how you know that you are in a narcissistic relationship. You will find yourself explaining and crying out to be heard, although they may appear to hear it, they cant comprehend it. In fact, they are emotionally incapable.

The aggressive part living with a narcissist, is when you have a difference in opinion. It is when you are your own person that they feel threatened. This is where the verbal, mental and even physical abuse starts. However in the beginning they need to persuade you into believing that it is true love. They will blow your mind with the way they are intrigued by you and how they listen carefully everything about you. This is a trap! They are very interested to know and learn what they can use against you. They will absorb every little detail and brain wash you to believing that they genuinely care. They will even appear to be kind and loving, however and this is true, they cant love you. They are in love with the perfect version of themselves. They are not capable to love you. Unfortunately this is the harsh reality when you are in love with a narcissist.

The reality is, when you no longer give them that supply, they will discard you. In fact, a lot of times they are very quick to jump from one to the next. Don’t expect a narcissist to fight for you. They wont, unless you are still fueling them in what they need from you.

Therefore, if you are living with a narcissist, or you have left a narcissist and considering going back, leave and dont look back. You will only end up heart broken.

You deserve to be loved for who you are!

Namaste 🙏

How to stop the cycle of abuse

Signs of a toxic relationship and emotional abuse

Mental abuse is much worse since they make you question your own sanity. You are left with self-doubt not knowing what is the truth. You are silencing your intuition, since you are finding excuses for your thoughts. It literally messes with your mind and it leaves you powerless. It is a real struggle and eventually you are so self destructed that only fear has you guiding on the leash. You cant make sense of what is right or wrong anymore. All you know is that you are scared of losing out on someone who is not worthy of you and that is the problem.

We need to take mental abuse very serious, because the lasting effects that it has on you will remain, unless you get some form of therapy to help you heal along the way. A lot of victims will suffer from some sort of PTSD surviving mental abuse.

If you are in a situation where you find yourself questioning your sanity or you believe that you may be suffering from mental abuse, get help now! Remaining in a relationship that is toxic, will only hurt you. You deserve to be treated with love, not with pain.

Namaste🙏

Signs of Abuse

The signs of Abuse are not always noticable since it is not visible to the eye. However, when you feel down and depressed for no apparent reason in your relationship, this is a sign that something is not right.

The way you feel when you are around your partner says a lot about your relationship. Feelings of being stupid, worthless, incapable, not loved , ugly etc. They are happening for a reason. Your intuition is never wrong, therefore when it doesn’t feel right, that is because it isn’t right.

Knowing the signs and spreading awareness is important to stop the abuse.

We are all equal to be treated with love and respect no matter the situation. Although there is no perfect relationship, inner healing and communication is needed as well as mutual respect for one another. Learning to grow together and not to condemned the other. Every relationship has its ups and downs, however the way to conquer it, is the way you treat each other.

Treat others the way you want to be treated.”

Namaste🙏

How to get ready to leave a toxic relationship

Many times when facing a difficult and life changing decision, we tend to fear the worst. Questions like;

How will I be able to afford it? What if I am doing the wrong thing? What if I regretted it etc..?

Questions like these will only hinder you from leaving and creating excuses to continue being in a relationship that is not healthy for you. In order to have change,

you will need to be the change!

Otherwise whatever that attracted us to these kind of relationships in the first place, will do it again and again until we can learn to heal and love ourselves first. Therefore your priority and your first step before leaving a relationship is to work on yourself. Step back for a moment and create a time and space for just yourself. No one is to know about this, especially your partner. This is “YOU TIME !” What you do in this time, is entirely up to you, however I would definitely recommend a therapist or someone that can help you and guide you through your healing process. Taking up mediation, or yoga even a hobby that is just for you, will give you the confidence and healing that you deserve to get yourself back on track of who you truly are. When you find yourself, you find freedom and all the things that you thought mattered, no longer matter to you and that includes toxic relationships. You will have confidence and the strength to leave and to leave it for good! Another step is to always be prepared. Have a list of emergency phone numbers and a bag ready for escape is needed. You never know when things can get out of hand! Therefore be ready! It is also important to create a plan, the escape plan. You will need to answer all questions of a, b and c. of your plan. If a doesn’t work, than we try for plan b, and if it doesn’t work, than it is plan c. When you are able to do this, GO NOW with the plan! Allow yourself to receive help from anyone that you trust, especially other resources if possible from therapist, family, friends or a lawyer if you can afford it. Trying to safe money any way you can, will also benefit your escape. It is a really good idea to study what local shelters are around in case it is needed. Once you are all set, it is amazing the confidence you will feel. You will see the purpose of leaving this relationship and even more, not fall for another one.

Remember, abusers target weak and low self esteem individuals for their power over you, to control you and to brain wash you into believing that you are not worthy without them. They will try everything for you not to gain your confidence and leave. They are so good into manipulating you back in with their charm and false promises, this is how they got you in the first place.

This is why finding your true self worth is important. Since you will target and see the red flags before they can even start. Better yet, those individuals wont be attracted to you anymore. You will shine with confidence and you will see the difference it has on you. Therefore take the time to heal and find, “YOU!”

YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT!

Namaste 🙏